I'm going to confess to something- I may have prayed a few selfish prayers in my lifetime. I can say that over the last several months I've prayed a few selfish prayers regarding our adoption and how it relates to one of my grandmothers, who hasn't been doing well. The last 7 months have brought about various difficult situations within our family. We have experienced a number of dynamics in the first half of 2013 that have caused us to pray for our family like we never have. Several of those recipients have been our grandmothers who are still living. Up until about 2 weeks ago, Nate and I still had 3 living grandmothers between the two of us. I still have both of mine, and he still had one, until God took his last living grandmother home to be with Him mid-June. During this time of praying for grandparents and other family, I have prayed selfishly that God would allow my Granny A to live to at least see a photo of her next great granddaughter.
Selfish? Maybe.
However, I'm pretty sure that's not too selfish a prayer to pray. I can certainly think of worse, so as we wait to be matched, I continue to pray that God will allow us to be matched with our child before He takes her home.
Over the last 6 months, we've watched both of my grandmothers continue to battle different stages of Alzheimer's. There have been difficult days for sure, and quite honestly, I am thankful that my grandmother on my mom's side is still with us this summer, as we weren't sure she would be back during Christmas. Though it is hard to say it, we know her days are numbered and certainly want her to enjoy them. After recent conversations with her doctors, she has now reached a stage where she is hardly eating anything and unfortunately this disease has prevented her brain's ability to tell her body "You're hungry" and with that has come some difficult things to see over the last several months and particularly the last several weeks.
Now while this is certainly difficult to observe, we have chosen to still see the "good" in the midst of the situation, and have found it so cute that even though she won't eat hardly anything else now, she will still munch on a Pringle and a cookie in her room when she feels like it. She's always loved her Pringles, Oreos, & chocolate chip cookies. (well I guess you could pretty much say anything chocolate!)
It's one of those funny things about Grandma- she would always have something sweet after her meal, but boy you had better have a Pringle or a Ritz cracker close by because as soon as dessert time was over or her cookie was gone-
out came a Pringle or a Ritz cracker.
The fact that I was even able to get these photos of her on one of my recent visits, was quite miraculous as she's not always cooperative to let me take photos when I visit . I think she sort of knew something was up when I would snap a photo or two as she would give me all sorts of looks, but I told her I was just "testing my camera out".
While yes, it is such a hard thing to see happening, we have also taken the advice of doctors to allow her to enjoy what's left of the life that God chooses to give her. I must admit, God continues to give her such a fun personality and she hasn't lost that feistiness that she's always had. We had a great visit with her last weekend and as always, she was quite full of personality.
My parents and brother happened to be in town too when I visited, so we all had some fun conversations with her and enjoyed taking her outside on the front porch and letting her get a little sunshine. One thing about Grandma A, she's always loved to soak up the sun! This day was no different- even if she was only allowed 5 minutes of direct sunlight, she wanted to enjoy every minute and pretend she was laying out.
While we were visiting, the staff brought out a gift someone recently brought by for her-- and just so that you better understand it, she's always loved Jeff Gordon and has had a crush on him for years (in addition to cheering him on when she used to watch racing). She has always made jokes that he was going to come by and pick her up and take her on a date with him. Oh the stories we've heard about Jeff Gordon over the years! So recently, someone was kind enough to bring Jeff Gordon to her and now the staff at the assisted living home change the sign each day with some sort of funny note for her.
Certainly time will tell how long God will give our sweet Grandma A life on earth, but in the meantime- we are going to let her eat as many cookies and Pringles as she will in a day. She's lived a long and full life and something tells me a few chips and cookies each day probably aren't going to hurt. So, in the meantime, we'll continue to pray selfish prayers that God gives Grandma the ability to see the photo or face of her next great granddaughter, if it is His will, before He takes her home.
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