Monday, July 29, 2013

Saying Goodbye to Grandma

This morning we said goodbye to a sweet mother, grandmother, and great grandmother. 
The last few weeks have been difficult to watch as she fought her battle against Alzheimer's.  This weekend was no exception as we watched our sweet grandma slipping away from this life here on earth and into the arms of her loving Savior. At this moment, I can't quite write all that is in my heart and mind.  There are so many things I could say about our wonderful grandma, stories to share about who she was as a person and the numerous lives she touched in so many different ways. They will come and I will share, but for now, I am thankful for the moments these last several weeks and this past weekend to have been able to  spend with her. 
We are blessed that God gave us all special moments with her, moments where she knew each of us were there with her this weekend, moments where she could communicate with each of us. That is a rare treasure and one for which we are all thankful for tonight. 

We are also blessed to have so many wonderful friends who have lifted us all up in prayer over the last several weeks and particularly this weekend and today. We have felt your prayers and they mean more than you know- thank you. 
Today she joined Jesus, her husband, and Uncle Ken who I know welcomed her with open arms. As I joked this morning, I know that she's about take over and direct the heavenly choir- she loved to sing and loved music. What better place to be than in heaven praising her Savior in person. I have a feeling heaven is about to get just a bit more lively now that she's there and has full strength and energy. 

Thankful that today she was healed.

For now, we say goodbye today on this side, but are thankful for that peace that comes in knowing we will see her again- we are not without hope. Thankful we serve a God that will one day wipe away all tears from our eyes and there will be no pain or sorrow and these things will pass away. Thankful she is experiencing that right now- in this very moment. In the meantime, our hearts grieve as she will be missed, but thankful that God's grace is sufficient. 

I don't have to say it- she knows it already-- 

"Grandma- you were loved not only by me, but by many and will be greatly missed." 

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Nursery Designs by Nate

So here we are about a week and a half after the crib has gone up and the nursery has been painted and have we settled entirely on our nursery colors? --- that would be an emphatic "No!"  For some reason, we thought this was going to be simple, really. Doesn't everyone just come up with the nursery colors easily?  Well, I have come to discover that the real issue exists with the fact that I am in love with way too many ideas, colors, designs, and crafty projects that I can't settle on one in particular. (ahem--no comments, Nate Rockey, on this sentence) I originally had thought I knew what direction we would go, but then revealed it to Nate only to realize it was "too girly". (Hmmmm...of course I would imagine this to be a typical husband response, right?)  The funny thing is that I generally don't drift towards "extremely girly colors" at all; however, since it IS a nursery and it IS for a girl, I thought I would "live life on the edge" (whoa- watch out) and go with some color schemes that were girly in moderation. So now you have it--on my first attempt I was vetoed. 

Back to the drawing board we went- literally. I began putting together some colors/ideas together for round two and there were a few Nate and I both liked, but something still wasn't quite right- it wasn't so much just colors we discussed, but also patterns. What we have decided is that we will have several colors in this room and I think we're almost there with the decision and hope to have it settled very soon. We have decided on a nursery that has some colors and items that can transition into both a toddler and a little girl's room in the future. But in fun, would you like to see some of the possibilities that I think Nate might have come up with if he were given free reign over the design? Here is a quick "room in review" of what our nursery might have looked like if Nate had been able to design it:

DESIGN OPTION #1:
Super Pink Ninja Warriors

Design by Spoonflower

...An obvious choice for a husband who trained in karate- need I say more?


DESIGN OPTION #2:
Chinook Army Helicopters

Design by Spoonflower
...They're pastel military helicopters so it's ok for a girl's room, right?


DESIGN OPTION #3:
Coffee Cafe Craze

Design by Spoonflower
...because we need to start her out young and besides, they ARE pink and purple coffee  beans.


DESIGN OPTION #4:
"Oh Deer" in Pink & Green


Design by Spoonflower


...Because we know every girl loves Bambi and what girl wouldn't want pink deer heads in her nursery?


DESIGN OPTION #5:
Ice Cream Cone Craze

Design by Spoonflower

...because everyone knows that ice cream is one of the food groups and subliminal messages regarding ice cream are always ok, right? (this pattern is actually very cute with vintage colors--but it will not be finding it's way into the main theme of the nursery- sorry)

So there you have it, what could have been. 

(**Disclaimer: Alright- Nate really didn't pick out the above patterns though I'd like to think he might have...he has actually given some good feedback in this process when asked (even though he says this part is more "my project"...haha- I guess he's not ready to play with glue guns and fabric)  

If you think nursery designing has been a fun process in our journey, wait until we share a little about our conversations that recently commenced about what to name our daughter; however, for now- we'll save that for another day. So, give us your thoughts-- any recommendations as we finalize our room colors?  We have a ton of ideas, it's time to just narrow it down to our final few.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Bumpy Flights & Storms of Life

Do you ever have crazy thoughts when you fly?  Recently, we had the opportunity to vacation in June and spend some much needed quiet time away from the stress of life. I don't think words can adequately describe how much our vacation was needed this year, (and certainly I realize we all think this as we go throughout the year- who doesn't, right?) but for us this year it was more than needed as life has thrown quite a number of things our way in the last 7 months as a family. It was on vacation that God reminded me of a beautiful truth while flying. (and anyone who knows me well, understands I do not like flying, so having any sort of logical thought while 30,000+ feet in the air is actually pretty amazing)
I hope it will encourage many of you who are going through a difficult time right now. (and if you don't think this applies to you now, I'm pretty sure you will need it in the days to come- as life is a constant series of highs and lows even for the strongest believer)

I hesitated writing this post, but then felt after hearing and seeing many things over the last several weeks from individuals, I should post it even if it encourages just one. Reflecting back over the last year, we were reminded of how God has allowed a number of challenges to enter our lives that we would not have expected, but were used to strengthen us, to show us He is still in control, and build our faith in new ways even amidst the circumstances. We have walked a path that hasn't exactly been lined with flowers some days...
But rather storm clouds that have rolled in as we journeyed. However, God never promises us all "sunny days" as a believer, (as we can all relate to this summer with all of the storms, right?) but if it weren't for the stormy days when the clouds roll in, we'd never grow to appreciate the sun and all of the beautiful things that spring forth due to the storms that came our way.

Late 2012 and the last 6 months have taken Nate and I along a path of experiencing family go through the pain of divorce, seeing 3 grandmothers go through serious illnesses (final stages of Alzheimer's, a recent stroke & Alzheimer's, and most recently the loss of Nate's grandma), family living with us for several months, a family member seeking to overcome addictions (which we both want to say we are so proud of this individual for coming out in such a public way and setting up strong accountability among believers and family- not being afraid to share with anyone and being clean now for over 89 days; we're still praying for continued strength along the journey & we're so proud of you), watching my grandmother digress and no longer able to live on her own (and having to move her from her home), as well as dealing with 6 months of unexplained illness that greatly affected our day to day lives to which doctors couldn't truly explain after months and months of testing. We say this to express that even amidst the difficulties, God has been working in each of these circumstances and continues to work through them in His own timing and His own way; therefore, we trust Him. We are thankful that some have slowly started to resolve, while others we continue to watch God work out day by day. God has been faithful to both us and our families during this time.

As we've walked through the last 7 months, there were days when it was hard not to ask, "Why, God?"  I was reminded of something a sweet and dear friend of mine said to us when we shared with them that we were adopting. I'll never forget it-- let me basically paraphrase it: "Know that by choosing to adopt one of God's beloved orphans, you are now treading in Satan's territory and you can expect spiritual warfare. He does not love the orphan and will do everything he possibly can to prevent them from knowing the love of the Father."  Certainly I'm not saying that all of the things God has allowed to come into our lives over the last several months are in any way related to adoption, but I will say Satan is powerful and certainly will want to discourage and distract us in every way that he can to get our focus off of Christ and onto that which we are experiencing. I work in the field of International Adoption and have seen it time and time again in hundreds of cases-- it's not always an easy journey. Whether you are in the process of adopting or not, I believe we aren't always aware of what God allows Satan to do to test us as believers. We do know that trials will come and they are very real in each of our lives. Don't immediately assume because things are difficult, it's because you aren't doing something right- that's not always the case, though it certainly could be. It's up to each of us to look at the circumstances and allow God to show us clearly what He's trying to say through those moments.

If you're going through a difficult time right now, God may truly want to see what you're really made of, if you really trust Him and how strong your faith really is when it's really being tested. Keep in mind, God didn't design us to live in isolation or to be silent and put on a fake smile and never lean on the support and prayers of the body of Christ. Even Christ himself had the support of His closest friends, the disciples, to pray with Him in His times of greatest need. Nate and I as well as our families, have been truly thankful for dear friends who have prayed alongside us and have truly exemplified what the body of Christ is all about.  We've also seen a number of other individuals and friends go through difficulties this year; yet, they have allowed God to use those tough moments for good in their lives.

It was on our flight in June, that I was given a visual reminder that hopefully will encourage you if you're going through a difficult time right now. As we left Seattle, the take-off was less than smooth and quite honestly, one of the worst I've experienced in a while. As we started ascending into the clouds, it became rough and rocky and the wind became strong due to storms being experienced below the clouds. What was but a few minutes seemed like an hour; however, within a few moments we were finally above the clouds, where the sun was shining and everything was clear and beautiful. 
 As I looked out of the window, I started to see breaks in the clouds and began to see the incredible snow-capped mountain ranges peeking through below. I recalled how at Mount Rainier National Park, these mountains looked incredibly huge towering above us, but now from this vantage point looked so small and insignificant. 
My mind drifted to this thought- this is exactly what God must think as He looks at our problems, our difficulties, and the mountains and storms of life we all face. We forget He is seeing things from a "higher perspective" (as I did when we got above the storms and clouds) - seeing what we can't yet see. He knows what's above the storm clouds we are seeing, the mountains that look so large in our lives...
Or the clouds that are blocking our "proper perspective" on the road of life that we're traveling on. When we're under the clouds, we can't see the full picture, but when we look down (as I did in that moment from the plane above the clouds) to see what the full picture below really looks like in that moment...
...it's then that we are reminded there is a piece of this picture that only He sees, and He knows there is beauty that will only come once we get through the storms of life and see what's on the other side.  I'm sure we've all heard the pilot illustration at one time or another, but I had to remind myself of this as we experienced this rough start to our flight heading home. We had also experienced this with our flight when we left for vacation heading to California, as the pilot had to re-route our plane from Atlanta far South through the middle of Texas due to the deadly storms that were occurring in Oklahoma at the time of our flight. 
He could see what was ahead and in that moment, chose to re-route us on a different path, but one that would still have us arriving in San Francisco, just a little differently and a little later than planned.

Just like the pilot on both of our flights- may we be ever-reminded that Christ, in the same way, is guiding us as believers through life. He sees the full picture of the circumstances presently going on in our lives and what is to come. He is in complete control of the situation, knows the destination He is leading us towards, realizes there may be some bumpy air along the way, but knows the best way to get us there safely. All we must do is trust Him.

I think these lyrics close this thought out well:

 "Sovereign"


Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands

All my life
All of me
Held in your hands

All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands

All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands

All my life
All of me
Held in your hands

All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you


Tuesday, July 9, 2013

It's Nursery Time- Cribs & Colors

Well, it's official. We have started the process of working on the nursery. While some of you were out enjoying the typical July 4th festivities or maybe spending the weekend at the beach, we decided to change things up a bit this year since we had the long weekend and start working on some projects.  It's always nice to have a long weekend, so with the Thursday/Friday combination this year, it allowed both of us to have some extra time to put towards something useful-- which in the end we decided painting the nursery would be a good start....but let's just say that ended up leading to other things. (more on that in a minute)

We both agreed easily on the color of the walls for two reasons:
  1. We already had the paint which meant - FREE (one of my favorite words)

2. We knew the color of choice was a neutral and we could work around just about any color combination with it

Now, I know some of you out there are going to die when you see what color we choose (and that's ok-- we'll forgive you for not liking it), but we love this shade and have it in other spaces in our home- you just have to know how to balance it.... so are you ready for the reveal?

BEFORE:



AFTER:

Don't laugh at our drop cloths...this works for us (if you are a professional painter- just close your eyes)
 I had to laugh as several people had recently asked Nate, "What color are you doing your nursery in?" -- To which he responded "Grey".  I thought that was an awesome response and quickly told him there was probably a great reason for their puzzled faces and strange reactions as this was not "THE color" but they were probably referring to what would be going with the grey walls. He laughed and said he realized that after they had that "deer caught in the headlights expression" written on their faces.  So, to those of you who thought we were being boring and gloomy with a grey and white nursery, think again. We promise we're going to spice it up for you and it will not be grey and white. The funny thing is that we did have a little bit harder time agreeing on colors-- there are SOOOO many combinations that I particularly love and could choose; however, this is not just my decision (even though Nate says it really is since I'll be the one doing most of it). Although we are in the final decision making phase on colors, we are starting to lean a certain direction; however, we are going to keep you in suspense a little while longer as we make our final decisions.  

----Now, back to that phrase "painting the nursery was a good start, which led to other things..."-- let's just say we had not intended to put together the crib or put anything else in that room yet; however, I guess once the room was painted we thought the next natural step was to figure out where the crib would go. That said, before I knew it Nate was ready to put it together (and what wife says "no" when her husband is ready to build stuff?) 



While opening up the box and sorting through the pieces, we came across this package of screws with a little red string attached. Now for the average person, this wouldn't mean much of anything, but for someone adopting from China- they'd notice this little detail and a few thoughts might run through their head. So for a quick piece of Chinese folklore & to share a Chinese proverb- this is a very common thing to see with China (as red means good fortune or joy in their culture- which is why during Chinese New Year and other celebratory times you will see red everywhere as they view it as a sign of "good luck")  Keep in mind that it is important to understand the culture as it is a window into many of their practices, thoughts, beliefs, etc. There is a popular ancient phrase often noted by the Chinese:

"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break."

So obviously seeing this little red string/thread, it just was a fun little detail that just made us smile. (and for those who have any questions rolling around in their heads- we don't believe in folklore, good luck, or ancient Chinese proverbs, etc. but it's still a part of Chinese culture that we're just pointing out)

So with that, the crib assembly began...





....And within less than an hour, the bed was done and the furniture arranging began.  
Fun story though- we thought our package had come without instructions because we couldn't find them anywhere-- so had practically torn the box apart and sifted through all sorts of stuff looking for these instructions after all of the pieces were out. We were laughing because we figured something like this WOULD happen to us and obviously we didn't want to risk "we think we know how to put a crib together" only to have something tragic happen later down the road once "Little One" is in the crib (as we all know this would not look good to have to report to our agency and China after placement, right?) That said, we finally looked back at the pieces we had taken out of the box and you guessed it, the papers were attached to the back of one of the bed pieces and we had totally overlooked it when we took it out. (whew...crisis diverted-- even though I am confident Nate would have put it together properly even w/out instructions)  
So, now we have walls painted and crib together and spent some additional time over our holiday weekend talking through other nursery details.  (which for me meant thinking about all of the artwork and crafty details I could soon get my hands into that involved paints, hot glue, fabric, and lots of other fun things-- to which Nate has resorted he will not be involved in--haha) That said, we'll keep you updated as things start to unfold in the weeks to come.

We hope that you enjoyed your 4th of July holiday weekend however you chose to spend it!



Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Birthday Time & Memory Lane

I don't know about you, but I happen to think relationships with grandparents are one of the best blessings ever. I realize some that may read this may not have had this kind of experience or may have never really gotten to know their grandparents. I was blessed to be able to grow up with both sets of my grandparents until my grandfathers passed when I was in 5th and 10th grade.  I have wonderful memories of them both. I can certainly attest that I've grown to know and love both of my grandmothers even better over the years. 

A few days ago we shared a little about Grandma A and how blessed we are to still have her around this year as she continues to fight Alzheimer's...and so today it's my other Grandma's turn since "Grandma J" had a birthday today and turned a young 81! We always tease her that it is appropriate that she has a July 3rd birthday, right before July 4th since she's quite the little firecracker and full of spunk.

A couple of months ago, Grandma J had a stroke that both surprised and scared all of us and this required her to be in rehab for several weeks. (which originally was supposed to be a few months) To make a long story short, both she and our family thought that she would still be returning home once she was back to most of her strength and we'd continue to have a caregiver assist with some of the daily tasks she's not as able to do as easily.  However, plans suddenly changed and with barely any notice, we were contacted by the rehab center to learn that she was being discharged sooner than anticipated (which was great of course); however, they confirmed that she could not live in her home alone anymore (insert shocking moment here) and we needed to figure something out quickly.  You have to understand that Grandma J is one of the most independent 80 year olds that I know and although she is starting to slow down in her age, she still desired to live alone and would tell you that every day she has prayed for years that God would take her to be with Him before she would ever have to leave her house.  So, obviously, when this news came- it was shocking and also required some very quick decisions needing to be made as to where she would now live and what we were going to do. It's amazing how things in life can change in a split second with hardly any notice. 

With less than a week to make some major life decisions and changes, conversations with her were had and it was decided to move her closer to our family into a retirement community that my mom had worked for in previous years. She was in agreement to this (probably because there weren't but so many options and truthfully, this decision wasn't fully up to her because we knew if it were left to her, she would have just marched right back to her house to live) and so began the process of moving important items and furnishings into the new place and sorting through everything that was left behind in her previous home.


You have to understand that my grandparents had lived in this home for years and it was pretty much where they'd lived the majority of their life together-


and was the home where my dad grew up for most of his childhood. That said, it is full of memories for our family and full of hundreds (well, thousands might be a closer assessment) of interesting items that you don't even realize are within its walls until you are forced to start going through an entire home and getting it "rental ready"- wow, words cannot hardly describe it.  It's certainly tough to know you have to move someone from the only home they've practically known and go through all of their things while they are still living.  It's an odd transition to go through with a grandparent, but one that would hopefully allow for better care for her in the months to come.  

I know my family could attest to this, but going through the house, recalling memories of birthdays, anniversary parties, Christmases, family reunions, and a host of other family events- and knowing those would be no more- were in some ways one of the hardest things we've probably ever had to do. Because we have a very small family on that side and we are the only three grandchildren, we had spent a lot of time here. I had personally spent many nights and days at both of my grandmother's homes while in college as they lived in the area where I attended school, so I also have many college memories of their homes and my friends who came to know both of my grandmothers well. 


I know for me personally, and probably more for closure than anything- I had to take some time by myself walking through her home, looking at the items left behind, recalling so many precious moments spent within those walls... while at the same time realizing we had now spent our last Christmas there, had our last meal there, played our last game of croquet.  It also sunk in that our child/ren in the future would never have the privilege of spending time at this wonderful home, eating those wonderful home-cooked meals we had come to love so much, and would never know this home in the way we as children had known it. 

I'm going to be transparent and say that I had a pretty little meltdown- ok, it probably wasn't really a pretty meltdown (and anyone who knows me well knows that doesn't happen often anyway) right in the living room floor at that moment thinking about all of the wonderful conversations and moments we had lived over the years in that very room. I remembered playing with Grandpa in the basement with blocks he had made for me, visiting my grandparents and helping my grandma with him while he battled cancer, seeing my Grandma write in her prayer journals in that very room where she met with Jesus every morning at 5am, bringing friends over while in college to eat a home cooked meal....certainly this list could go on and on.  


It was at that moment I decided I wanted to capture a piece of those memories- those items and moments that make Grandma's house her home... those little things that I had grown up with that had come to be known as "Grandpa & Grandma's House" so that we don't forget. 


The Entryway to her house...




The Window where many a dirty dish on Thanksgiving and Christmas have been washed by her wrinkled hands or by her grandchildren who wished she would just install a dishwasher...

The kitchen where everyone gathered to cook meals together for holidays...



That was filled with about every type of collectible pineapple item you could imagine-including dishes and pineapple wallpaper...

The kitchen whose cabinets have overflowed with dishes and pots and pans that have fallen on my head (literally)...and of course everytime you stayed at Grandmas, she'd cook a breakfast of grits and bacon using this pan- or when stopping in as a college student would use my favorite pizza pan below to cook a quick pizza...

and I'd grab one of these glasses (which for some reason were my favorites)...

Or maybe grab a Coke or an apple or orange from her apple, orange and soda stash that she stored in this fridge in the basement... (don't ask- this is just what was always in it)



...Then head into the living room to play a game of Chinese checkers against Grandma (and pretty much she'd win every time)


(I think I found 4 Chinese checker sets in the house, which maybe tells me we were onto something far before we decided to adopt from China...LOVE this vintage Chinese checker board)

Or maybe if Chinese checkers wasn't the game of the day, croquet was... and to this day we still don't know exactly how and why it became our game at holidays...it was probably a site to see all these people out in the yard during holidays playing croquet-- when I actually think about it, there are all sorts of funny things I could say, but I will refrain...



Or maybe you'd head down to the basement to play a few games of Ping-Pong during the holidays or when you went for a visit. (yet again, another Chinese sport- I'm telling you, little did we know!)


However, sometimes going to Grandmas wasn't about having fun...it was time to work- and I cannot tell you how many callouses were the result of raking her huge yard (with tons of leaves mind you) with rakes that are antiques...and I'm not kidding-- had to be the worst rakes ever!

Then there were times when Grandpa would go out to mow the lawn or go to tend to his beehives while wearing his little green sun hat...(he was a beekeeper and carpenter who owned his own cabinet/wood shop) 

Which now hangs over the entryway to their porch and has hung here for as long as I can remember....


And then there are his tools which are stored in the basement and numerous that were stored in the garage...

I remember playing with this antique tape measure/ruler as a kid- for some reason I thought it was the coolest thing...

But a trip to Grandmas wouldn't be complete without a tour of all of the collectibles and items stored within its walls or in the basement...


And we thought antique Mason jars were popular now-- she has a house full of them inside her antique cabinet downstairs. (well before they were the "vintage/cool" thing to have around) 


Then there is her large stash of crafts and holiday decor...she loved arts and crafts and taught a life-skills and crafting class for Down Syndrome adults at a training school where she later retired... (I like to think I get my artistic side and love for DIY from her and writing with my left hand from my Grandpa)
One of her Christmas baskets
Of course there are a lot of random things one might also find... A Sewing Machine-


A sausage grinder...

An antique trunk- (what was found in the trunk will forever remain a family secret...)

An antique record player-


A large record collection most of which were my dad's... I thought it was incredibly appropriate that this one below was titled "Down Memory Lane"...

And of course there are Grandma and Grandpa's slides from Niagra Falls, other events, and dad's trip to the Holy Land in Israel...


And of course this rocker that was mine when I was a little girl, but originally was my dad's rocker that my grandfather made... (you will see this rocker again in future posts so watch for it) 


Or the step stool I always used when I went to visit... (this too will show up again soon in posts)

Or my piano that eventually ended up at Grandma's house...



These are the pictorial memories I'll cherish from days spent at Grandma and Grandpa J's house- the pieces that I'll tuck away in my mind and heart and recall from time to time--thankful to have had many wonderful moments spent within its walls.