This weekend we took little peanut on her first ever Halloween rendezvous.
I often wonder what goes through toddler's heads regarding Halloween. I mean, let's be real, a two year old has no concept of what is about to happen really and probably wonders what happened to their comfy jammies and why in the world are my parents putting me in a weird outfit and acting like the paparazzi? (this momma would never be guilty of that, right?)
I can only imagine what might go through those tiny little minds of theirs. I also wonder for a child who has lived their entire life in an orphanage, what the night must look like through their eyes for the first time.
To suddenly be surrounded by a bunch of giggling and screaming children running down the street.
To be coming face to face with a number of strangers - in crazy costumes no less.
To have these weird glowing orange things out on porches.
To have absolutely none or very little context for the majority of kid's costumes they see. (some that can be downright frightening if you run into the wrong kid)
To, in some cases, be able to have access to candy that is "all yours" and take as much as you want of it out of bowl when in the past all you've known is nothing is yours and everything is limited or there is never enough.
To experience candy for the first time.
To wear a costume for the first time.
We have to admit, this weekend proved just how far she's come in the last 9 months since being placed in our arms. This was a girl who we couldn't, for the first month or so, even get to walk outside on the sidewalk without being frightened by everything. To think it took us several months to get to the point where even could even walk down our sidewalk together as a family.
Fast forward to Halloween night-- before the actual process started, little ladybug wanted to wander up and down the sidewalks and pretty much wanted to lead the way. She wanted to run in the grass...
(something she wouldn't even come close to doing for months when first coming home) She also wanted to pick up straw and act like a music conductor apparently!
She wanted to make silly faces and sniff the bush in front of the house...
It took about 4 houses before she would come out of her daddy's arms,
but once she got the knack for this new little activity, she would point to the next house and then begin to walk up to the door and either knock or ring the bell. Though she couldn't say 'Trick or Treat' she definitely knew something was up if someone didn't come to the door. She'd look at Nate and I as if to say, "Well that wasn't fun. Where's the guy with the candy?" Of course, she still doesn't even know what candy is nor what it looks like (if only we could keep her that way forever, right?) but she knew she was getting "something" that was hers to put in her little treat bag she had made just days before.
It was fun watching her face turn into all smiles when someone would give her candy or when she came to a house where you could "get your own" out of a bowl... she'd look as if to say "Hmm....I wonder if I can take as much as I want--do you think they'd mind if I took a few extra ones for momma and daddy?"
She was mesmerized by all the pumpkins (which was one of her newest words in the last two weeks) and especially the ones that were lit up. She was in awe of the people who had a little fire pit in the front yard and kept using her new word "fire" over and over again. (I think she may have liked the fire more than the actual candy process and decided those were her new favorite neighbors)
Halloween took on a whole new meaning seeing it for the first time through the eyes of a child who has never been a part of this little activity. If you are a social media person, you know that the whole afternoon and evening was filled with photos of cute little babies in costumes, of little toddlers and their siblings dressed as their favorite characters, who of course had made up their minds that they most certainly were not going to smile for their mommas who were taking the pictures. Facebook and Instagram feeds were filled with adorable faces, cute costumes, creative costume ideas, crazy adults, and cute kid pictures--you automatically knew that was pretty much all you were going to see if you viewed your Facebook or Instagram accounts that day of or the day following. (and let's be honest, most parents are guilty and there is nothing wrong in sharing your joy)
However, this day feels very different for many. I could remember being in the adoption process and watching Halloween come around. Watching the Facebook pictures as they poured in and thinking "another year without our little one". I would enjoy seeing the cute little eyes staring back at me on social media, but would find my mind often wandering and asking, "If she had been here this year, what would we have dressed her as? " "Would we have even gone out to trick or treat?" I have a new found sensitivity for those holidays and times of the year when I know it's a struggle for my friends who want oh so badly to have a little one, for my friends who have lost children, for my friends who have been told they can't have a child so are looking into what that might mean for their family. I know certain holidays can be fun for many people, but we often overlook those who on this day or other family or child related holidays, hurt deeply and long to be the one posting cute little photos of their little one in his zebra costume or watching their little girl twirl around in her princess dress. To be the daddy that gets to toss his little girl into the air or walk hand in hand with his son down the sidewalk both dressed as super heroes.
For some it is more than they can handle and they feel crushed by the weight of what "might be" or "one day be" but isn't at this moment. Feelings of frustration, jealousy, anger, questioning....the list could go on and on about the various emotions that some of those around us may be feeling during these times. "Why isn't it our turn to post cute Halloween photos?" "When will we get to pick out a cute little costume for our little one?" "How much longer is God going to ask us to wait?"
These are just some of the many thoughts that many of those around us may be thinking on this holiday. Sure our friends rejoice with us and yes, they may enjoy looking at their Facebook feed because who can disagree that at Halloween pretty much every kid is just flat out cute? However, it doesn't change the fact that looking at their Facebook or Instagram feeds bring about some strong emotions tied to all that they are seeing and feeling during this holiday and longing for that missing piece in their lives and family.
So while this is a fun time for many families and their children, let us always remember that not everyone is viewing Halloween through the same set of lenses. Let us be compassionate with those who need that extra dose of compassion or lend a listening ear for those who just need to just be heard. That listening ear or big hug might be just what they truly need from you following the weekend of Halloween.
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